Dear Anonymous

Sucks. I want to write but I can't find the words that are going to explain how I exactly feel right now. No one really compelled me to write but I have been in a writer's block for quite a long time. It felt so different. Like another being has existed in me. Like there are some missing parts that need to be sought out. Could I possibly be missing someone? or maybe you?

I hate to wallow in hopelessness and despair. So please let me know if you are real or I shall wait for nothin

Tonight

Tonight is just one of those nights when the only thing you want to do is stay in your room and wait until something good happens without doing anything. Tonight is just one of those nights when you only want to stare at the sky and wait until the stars grow hotter and hotter and wait until they explode and become what they call falling stars and then you start to utter your wishes and the next second all your wishes shall come true.

But life isn't like that. You got to make some move dude or else "you will be subdued." (This one's from Jason Mraz.)

Dear Drew

I don't know where to start
Don't know what to write.
if sorry won't make things better,
I don't know what else I can do.
if I have hurt you so bad, my apology.
I know you are tired of hearing my apologies but that's all I can say.
I know I am lame and can't do anything
and can't give you anything
so where else are we heading?

Drew, you are such an amazing person
and in my life, you made my heart beat again.
I know it sounds "mushy" but what else will I hide from you?
I may not be able to give any effort, but damn, I wanted to do it.
it's just that, you are not my boyfriend.
Yes, you are special. But am I special to you?
Do you see my point?

If the call you made earlier
means goodbye forever,
I shall not stop you
but my heart shall long for you.

Chocolate

Forrest's mother is right, Life is indeed like a box of chocolate, you don't know what you are going to get. Either the taste shall surprise you or it shall disgust you. I never asked any of these, I think no one would ask anything bad to happen to his/her own self. Although, I've seen the rain coming, but not exactly right now. Had I known it, I could have prepared my umbrella. But then again, I still reckon the idea of "life as a mystery." I am not completely remorseful about my life, I still have things I am proud of. Seriously, I do.

Tomorrow's going to be Grandma's funeral and I am tasked to give the eulogy but since I have to work, I couldn't attend nor utter the eulogy. I'm sure she will understand. Sigh.

P.S. Thank you Aunt Ging for the Milka chocolate, made me feel a little better.

Unfinished story

Finally, I am back. Wonder if I could finish one paragraph. It seems that I lost the vibe to write. To tell a story. To tell my story.

I just lost someone very important. You know how that feels, right? The last time I cried real hard was 4 years ago, that was when I lost my Mom and my brother Invictus. And now I lost my Grandma. Why? Sometimes, I wonder why does life has to end? Wonder why it has to be difficult and painful? Wonder if there is really life after death? Because if there is, I just hope and pray that Mom, Invictus, Uncle and Grandma shall meet there.

Death is bittersweet. Bitter, because you'll never see the person again. Sweet, because God has finally met her.

See? This is all I've managed to write.

Prayer

Lord, let the rain pour real hard today so that tomorrow I will be more than ready to face the world and its adversities.

Thank you.

You know who you are

You killed my Mother

You never gave my brother a chance to see how beautiful the world is

You killed my uncle

You made Grandpa's walking impossible

And now you're taking away my Grandma's ability to talk?

You killed so many people

Are you happy now?

No words can convey how disgusted I am to all these things you have done.

Another heartbreak

I can hear the throbbing of my heart, faster than before and then it stopped and then it trembled again. In piano lessons they call it "staccato". I can hear the screams inside me. I can hear the cries reverberating in my room. My shirt has been drenched with so much liquid poured by the rain. I got up to drink water and then I saw that dagger lying next to the glass and then he said, "Use me to stop your misery." And then I asked myself, "Where else will I seek for help?" and then I heard a very familiar voice from afar saying, "My child, Use me to stop your misery."

Lord, what have I done to deserve all these things? Am I not good enough? I have loved my family so much so much that it hurts. I have given them all the love I could possibly give. But then receive nothing but judgments and harsh words. Lord, give me strength that I may continue to walk on the path you reserve for me.

I have realized one thing today, the closest people in our lives are the ones that can hurt us most.

Hunger

I went to the church today and listened to that Irish priest while he was delivering the homily. He talked about hunger.

Firstly, hunger for importance. We all want to be respected and to be of great worth to others. We want others to know that we are significant. Secondly, hunger for hope. No matter how life gives us problems. We still hope for the best. We hope that one day, life will be better. Thirdly, hunger for relationship. We always want to belong to someone. To be part of that someone's life. Fourthly, hunger for acceptance. We always seek approval from the people we meet in our everyday lives. We want to be accepted by the people we care about. Fifthly, We always have this yearning to love and to be loved by people. And this is hunger for love. Many people thought this is the greatest hunger we have. But there is one more, this hunger makes people want some more. This is the hunger for the Infinite. We all seek His presence.

I am not sure, if I did get the message of the priest correctly. But these are the things my small brain remembers.

P.S. Happy Sunday Everyone.